I was a selfish parent in my imagination
Yesterday I went biking at the usual place. Lately there is been more families going there with little kids and it got me thinking "How would it be to have a child?", I always said I don't want kids but weirdly in that moment my mind made up a fictional universe were I was a parent. While pedaling I imagined my kid in the back laughing or in their little bike beside me. I left my imagination carry on my thoughts.
I saw fake scenes of this parallel universe: me playing with them, teaching them an instrument, reading them a book, cooking them delicious food, watching tv and movies together, etc. Then I realized that all these activities were for my own enjoyment, I was thinking about what I like and ignored what they would like. Maybe this child wouldn't like the activities I like, they would be a different person obviously they'd have different opinions and wants. I was only fantasizing about the company this child would bring me as it was a simple friend. I laughed a little when I realized that even in my imagination I was a selfish parent.
So, yea, the idea of being a parent vanished as fast as it came. I know I'm young and many people say these nowadays, that they don't want kids and then the older generation responds with "you never know, maybe you'll change your mind" but I'm conscious that raising a child is a challenge that I can't face right now or in the years to come. I know that first I need to work in myself just so I can be worth of being a parent. I'm not totally close at the idea, I've had thought that if I'd want in the future I'll adopt (because why create a new human where there is already a lot of kids without parents?), but it's a no with very good arguments as for today.
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