Trying not to rush when I don't need it
I feel like I was taught to rush, while growing up at school there was always to be done: homework, tests, projects, presentations, life was busy. Learning how to move around the world of people was busy for me. It was like I have to always catch up, I wasn't particularly good at school, I wasn't more smart than the average but maybe it appear like that from the outside, the truth is that I was pushing myself everyday without a break. I remember to come home very tired because of this. For a long time, I felt the pressure of being productive, responsable, and to achieve that I rushed a lot.
I eventually got stuck in this mindset like a racehorse. When I finally crossed the finish line (graduated from school) I was completely burned out, however the habit was still there, it took me months to realize that I didn't need to rush anymore, that for the first time I had a lot of free time in my hands and I could take my time to figure things out.
I also think that this rushing situation came from the fact that I started to do things "late" (that's what I felt). I started playing instruments in my teens and started to write in late high school, not so long ago, when many people would start very young. Often, people that builds a career from something they're passionate about start young, looking at those examples made me feel behind. In contrast, I was into so many things, I never had just one true passion to dedicate my live to, I wanted (want) to do it all, but the time is limited.
Now that I'm trying to slow down, I'm defining the things that are most important to me so I can hone them, put a little bit of order in this chaos of interests. I try to tell myself that is ok to start late, as long as I don't loose the inspiration that keeps me going forward.
Still, trying not to rush when I don't need it is hard, sometimes I caught myself going to this old habit, taking days without brakes for a project1. I only notice when I start to feel that well known tiredness, then I stop.
Is something obvious, you don't need to rush if you have time! I can take all the time I want for a project if I'm doing it just for me2. In a job or school there are deadlines, but when you make something just because you want to, because you enjoy it, there isn't a time limit. A drawing will still be finish if you make it on 10 hours straight of for 10 minutes every day.
When I'm rushing I can't enjoy the process to the fullest, yes, I'll have results faster, but nobody is asking for it. I don't want to care about it, I want to have fun every second without filling exhausted for the run.
Thanks for reading :)