When you're labeled as a quiet person

19 Nov, 2025

Days ago I watched a video from one of my favorite YouTube channels: flowlotl, where she talks about her experience being a quiet person, it really resonated with me and it made me think about my experience.

I was part of friend groups at school but I would spend time alone too, starting from middle school I felt a little detached from the groups I was part of, so sometimes I'd leave to somewhere calmer where I can stay alone for a bit. At high school (as also said in the video) I accepted the fact that I was a quiet person and at lunch I'd just listen to the group chat while I ate, I would only talk if someone asked my directly. For me, I don't think it was social anxiety, it were reasons like: didn't have things to say or the topic wasn't interesting enough. Big groups drained my energy so I preferred one on one conversations that's all, but when you are part of a group and you don't talk much, you are immediately labeled as "the quiet one".

I remember one day when my group of friends where talking with the teacher and then she said "They don't talk much, don't they?" (referring to me) at what everyone nodded saying "yea, that's how they are", and I stand there awkwardly smiling, I couldn't deny it, I was quiet, but I felt embarrassed that I couldn't speak up. I know that being quiet isn't a bad thing, but what made me feel bad is the fact that everyone recognized me just for that and nothing more, that being quiet was my only identity.

This identity really bothered me. It implies that when you talk, people pay more attention to you or think your about to say something important, when in reality you just want to say a little silly comment. Sometimes is treated like a mystery "Why don't you talk, why are you so quiet?", but there's is nothing to it, I'm just am. Sometimes is treated like a diseased "If you try you could do better! try talking more! practice!" I can talk, but I don't have something to say all the time. And there are times where people think your sick, angry or sad.

The good thing is that people that actually gets to know me learns that this is how I am and I don't hear these comments often. It comes most of the times for strangers. Although, this label makes making friends harder as quietness is associated with negative things¹, it distances you from others, and sometimes you have to perform a little bit to get a chance to show you.

#life